The Last Piece
by The Watch Stander
Summary: After leaving the phantom planet, what happens to the team? For some it is a time of healing and for others, the nightmare has just begun. Spoilers for ep Phantoms and Trinity.
1. Chapter 1

The Last Piece

AN: I thought this was an excellent episode for all the team members. The only disappointment was that the issue of shooting Rodney was later made to be funny. I think it should have been treated more seriously. However, I've tried to add what I thought might transpire after the fact.

Others have written wonderful stories about the beginning of the episode, so I've kinda skipped that. Since I'm not in the medical profession ,I appologize for any medical facts that are incorrect.

This will be my first fan fic in this universe ,so I hope you like it. I would love to hear from everyone as to what you think.

This story was started just after the episode aired, so I hope no one else has come up with this idea.

Disclaimer: All things related to Stargate Atlantis belong to MGM/Sony. No profit was made from this, but it was a whole lot of fun to write!

I would adopt David Hewlett as my brother in a heart beat.

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Chapter 1 - Denial

Rodney couldn't believe it when he saw Sheppard put Teyla down ,then aim the P90 at him. Teyla tried to warn Rodney, but there wasn't time to duck or hide or do anything except raise his hands and say NO!

The bullet's impact spun him around and sent him crashing to the ground. Even though the pain that followed was intense, his fear now was not what the pain meant,

but whether or not Sheppard would shoot him again.

The whole scene kept replaying through Rodney's mind. Sheppard had apologized to him, but it had seemed forced and the colonel still acted very distant and unfriendly.

Hell, after what they all went through, even Rodney felt weird. The whole situation creeped him out.

Rodney and Carson were walking next to the gurney carrying the young Lt as they boarded the Daedalus. He was glad the young man had made it; Carson had saved the Lt as well as stopping Rodney from bleeding to death.

But in truth , Ronon had been the one that had taken charge of Rodney's wound once he came back to his senses. The big guy obviously knew something about battlefield triage having done it on himself a number of times. He had sent Sheppard looking for Carson, while he bandaged Rodney. Teyla held Rodney's hand through the whole ordeal, somehow feeling responsible for him being shot. However, he had told her not to feel guilty for there was nothing she could have done.

After all, it was his own fault since he hadn't finished shutting down the generator. His mind had been affected as well.

Fortunately for all of them ,Teyla had listened to Rodney when he had explained the machine and how he planned to disable it. Then with his pleading ,she was able to convince Sheppard to help her shut the damn thing down. If she hadn't, they'd all be dead now, just like the Genii and the other team.

Beckett watched as the Gurney with the Lt was pushed down the hallway to the infirmary. He was anxious to follow behind, but Rodney had pulled him aside in the hallway for a moment.

"Carson, just let me go to my quarters. I don't want to be underfoot in your infirmary. " He was pleading, he hated being in the ward. People would be asking questions about what had happened to him.

How would he tell them, "Oh, my friend went crazy and shot me, but he said he was sorry."

The whole thing sounded ludicrous even to him and he had been there.

Carson was exhausted and just a little tired of McKay. The scientist was very lucky. If the bullet had hit him a little further up, he'd be dead.

"All right, Rodney, but I want you back here fist thing tomorrow to have that bandage changed. Also, if you feel hot or think you're getting a fever, back you come as well. I don't like the looks of that wound, you seem to be a bleeder and that means the healing process will be very slow. There's risk of infection if we're not careful."

Rodney nodded in gratitude, then left for his assigned quarters.

All he wanted to do was get away from people, put his head down on a pillow and make it all go away.

_Like it never happened._

It was later that afternoon when Ronon, Teyla and Sheppard gathered in the mess to have lunch together.

Ronon looked around for McKay, as he sat down holding a tray laden with food. Just because the Satedan had been shot didn't mean his appetite had gone away.

"Where's McKay?" he finally asked his other team members.

John smiled slightly, " Probably telling half the crew about how I shot him!"

Ronon smiled, but he knew better, Rodney wouldn't do that unless it had been something insignificant. Being shot in the chest by your team leader was not insignificant. He knew McKay had been deeply hurt by Sheppard's actions. Somehow just saying he was sorry wasn't enough; Sheppard needed to do more, McKay needed it.

Ronon knew if he'd shot McKay, he'd have felt terrible and would still be trying to find a way to make amends to the scientist. They had come very close to losing Mckay.

Sheppard however, seemed to be acting like it was insignificant and having apologized felt that was enough. Their leader was acting very strange about the whole event, he was distant and hard to read.

Ronon mentioned all this to Teyla earlier and she'd said to let it go. She'd told him Sheppard had some ghosts that he needed to put to rest and right now wasn't a good time for criticism of his handling of Rodney.

So Ronon dropped it and as they all sat around the table after lunch and talked, none of them mentioned McKay again.

In his quarters Rodney tossed fitfully in his sleep ,still seeing the look of hatred on Sheppard's face as he pulled his P90's trigger; only this time the gun kept firing and Rodney knew he was a dead man when he felt the bullets impact.

No, no, his mind screamed for his friend had just killed him.

He sat up suddenly, wide awake. His chest felt like it was on fire; the area around his wound was throbbing. The resonance of the bullet's impact was still fresh in his mind.

Sweat covered his face and he wiped it away with a shaking hand, he was so hot. The nightmare had left him so exhausted he was hardly aware of his surroundings. His wound was aching and bleeding again, but he ignored it. After a few moments he realized where he was; safe on the Daedalus, no one would shoot him here.

He leaned his fevered head back on the pillow,

_I need to get my mind focused on something else. My nerves are shot. _

Finally, exhausted from the past days trauma and the nightmare, he went back to sleep. Trying once more to forget it ever happened.

John Sheppard holding a P90 seemed to follow him into that sleep...

It was dinner time and once again the three members of the team assembled for the meal. This time Beckett joined them.

They were all talking about small events and how amazing the ship was. It was so big compared to their little puddle jumpers. The arrival of the Daedalus was always an event looked forward to by all of Atlantis. There would be mail from Earth as well as fresh supplies, coffee and other amenities that were so hard to find in the Pegasus Galaxy.

Beckett leaned back from his plate. "I ordered a lot more equipment and supplies for the infirmary and Colonel Caldwell informed me that he was able to bring it all with him this trip." Smiling he looked at the people around him.

" It's a good thing too, cause with the four of you going off world it looks like I'll need all the supplies I can get!"

Ronon and Teyla laughed, knowing how many times they had come back injured. They were finally starting to mend from the previous days events and could enjoy laughter once more.

They looked like a motley crew, with Teyla still on crutches from her leg wound and Ronon with a bandage around his arm. The only one seemingly unscathed, was Sheppard, but his wounds were of another sort.

The colonel half- heartedly smiled , unable to join in since the pain of not saving Holland was still fresh in his mind.

Carson started to pick up his tray, "Well, I'm heading for my bed, it's been a busy day. Goodnight to you all."

Everyone must have felt the same ,for they all started to get up and after saying Goodnight to each other left for their assigned quarters.

A space ship could be a very interesting or boring place to be, depending on whether you were a passenger or part of the crew. The days went by quickly for most, but John was restless, unable to settle down. The events on the planet had reminded him of bitter memories that he had tried to bury. Failures had a way of coming back to haunt you.

He rose early, then went for a quick run around the flight deck of the big ship. The few people working there waved and he smiled and waved back. He knew there was an exercise room, but preferred to be down here ,away from all the people who made it a regiment to exercise every morning.

After taking a shower he headed for breakfast and was pleased to see Ronon and Teyla there. McKay was no where to be seen, but that was just McKay.

_He's probably already eaten with some of the SGC crew instead, since he has worked with many of them at the headquarters , _he told himself.

Ronon had also noticed that McKay wasn't here again and he started to worry. Sheppard seemed to be getting back into his old self, making a few jokes and smiling and Teyla was probably adjusting the best, laughing at Sheppard's jokes about things that he found amusing on the ship.

The satedan had seen this behavior before from soldiers who had returned from fighting a battle. At first they seemed shell shocked, but eventually they adjusted and became their old selves again.

The only one missing was McKay and Ronon wanted to know where he was.

He had a very bad feeling...

After breakfast, Ronon stopped at the infirmary to have his bandage changed and to also check if Carson had seen the elusive scientist.

Carson carefully finished taping the gauze around Ronon's upper arm, "That's healing nicely!"

"Thanks, Doc. Have you seen McKay anywhere today?" Ronon inquired.

Carson had to stop and think, "...can't say that I have. When you find him though, you tell him that he bloody well better get his arse in here to have his bandage changed, or else."

Ronon smiled, knowing McKay was in trouble. The Doctor was normally a patient man, but McKay somehow managed to make even him angry. "I will."

It wasn't hard to find out where the quarters were for the few members of the Atlantis team. They were't together and Ronon found himself having to check each door that had an occupants name ,trying to find McKay's.

When he found it he knocked then waited , half expecting an angry Dr. McKay to suddenly open the door and say some abrasive remark about waking him up. When that didn't happen, Ronon frowned.

Finally he decided to check the room just to be sure that McKay wasn't using the shower, or didn't hear his knock.

When he entered he found McKay sprawled on his bed, out like a light.

Smiling, Ronon decided to wake him up and tell him what Carson had said. He reached for McKay's arm to shake him and found it very warm to the touch.

Something wasn't right, for McKay didn't even stir at his touch. Ronon quickly turned on the room's light and went back over to Rodney to get a better look at him.

He didn't like what he found,

blood was on the sheets and covered Rodney's T-Shirt.

He called Beckett immediately.

Ronon stood silently at the foot of McKay's bed in the infirmary, listening to Carson explain what was wrong with McKay. The doctor and his team had arrived quickly after Ronon called and they'd taken Rodney to the infirmary.

"Rodney's a daft bugger, I told him to let me know if he had a fever. Now's it so high I have to give him a larger dose of meds to try and get it down as well as stop the infection. Not to mention the fact ,that he lost a lot of blood as well." Carson shook his head, "I've half a mind to strangle him when he wakes up!"

Ronon chuckled, "Maybe you could just shoot him, like Sheppard always tells everyone to do."

Carson immediately looked serious, "I don't think Colonel Sheppard will be saying that again anytime soon."

"Yeah, I think you're right," Ronon had to agree.

"To make matters worse, I don't think Rodney's eaten anything in 24 hours. His blood sugar is very low and it's causing havoc with his system."Carson sighed, "With Rodney involved, nothing is ever simple."

Ronon smiled, knowing exactly what Carson meant. "Is that why we all like him so much?"

"Aye, it would certainly be dull without Rodney around." Carson nodded his head. He actually considered the abrasive scientist a friend.

"How's he doing ?" Ronon asked as he looked at the sleeping scientist.

"Well, he's still unconscious, but that could be due to the fact that I gave him a whopping dose of meds. He's not out of the woods yet and hopefully he'll wake up in a few hours. There's no way he's getting out of here until we reach Atlantis. I'll need to keep an eye on him and watch that infection closely."

"All right if I stay with him? There should be someone here if he wakes up."

Ronon knew waking up in a strange place might upset Mckay and right now the scientist had about as much stress as he could handle.

"You're a good person, Ronon." Carson said. "Stay if you like"

Ronon pulled up a chair and sat next to the bed prepared to do the bedside vigil.

"He'd do it for me," was all he said.

Carson smiled, "Aye, that he would indeed."

After leaving Ronon with Mckay, Carson went back to his other patient. He knew that the Satedan was protective of Rodney, especially after McKay had located Ronon on Sateda when the wraith had recaptured him.

Carson had been a part of the rescue team and both he and Rodney had been thanked by the large man. They'd been instrumental in killing the Wraith commander before he killed Ronon.

Rodney himself was a true enigma, arrogant and annoying on the outside, but there was a hidden sensitive and caring person just below the surface if you looked really hard. He had saved them all many times by using that brilliant mind of his. It was truly amazing that he hadn't been killed considering all the risks he took in doing it.

_Yes , Rodney was indeed a handful_, but Carson wouldn't want him to be any other way.

John decided to take a tour of Daedalus' bridge. The last time he'd been there was when they were trying to rescue Rodney and Ronon from the Wraith ship of their so called allies. That had been a close call. He had almost lost both of them.

Caldwell saw John enter the bridge. "Colonel Sheppard."

John smiled, "I thought I'd see how we're doing and where we are in relation to Atlantis."

Caldwell was well aware of what Sheppard and his team had gone through on the planet. Weir had informed him and asked that he be sure to take good care of them. He also knew how it felt to not be in control and sympathized with all of them.

"We'll be there first thing tomorrow morning. Is their anything you or your team need?"

Sheppard smiled, " No we're fine. The accommodations are great, and the food's good, " he added with a silly grin.

Caldwell looked serious for a moment, "How's McKay doing?"

John was surprised that Caldwell asked about him, but then McKay had worked with Caldwell on several occasions. "He's fine."

Caldwell looked puzzled, "I wasn't informed that he'd woken up."

John was really surprised by that response."What are we talking about here?"

It suddenly dawned on the Daedalus' Commander, that maybe Sheppard hadn't been told about McKay's condition.

"I'm sorry, I thought you knew that Dr McKay was taken to the infirmary. He's in critical condition. Beckett told me an hour ago that he was still unconscious."

Hearing this made John's guts twist inside him, like a knife had cut through him.

_Rodney in the infirmary, critical? _The words echoed through his head.

"Hell no! No one, told me." He was stunned and very upset.

His world had just started to crumble again; it seemed that the planet had not finished with him yet. It had taunted him with his failure to save his friend Holland, and now it wanted another piece of him... McKay.

The planet wasn't satisfied that John had almost killed him.

He suddenly found himself running down the hall toward the infirmary...

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**The Last Piece**

Disclaimer: All things related to Stargate Atlantis belong to MGM/Sony. No profit was made from this, but it was a whole lot of fun to write!

AN: Did anyone else notice that the last scene of Holland telling John, if he pulled the plug they could radio and go home ,was a voice over by David Hewlett? Also, what did the native guy that John shot ,say to him? Anyone know?

I also want to thank everyone for their kind reviews. This was fun to write, even though I couldn't do a lot of snarky comments between Rodney and John.

That's something I would really like to try.

(Hanky warning, if not this chapter, then definitely the next one.)

**Chapter 2 - Letting go of the past**

People in the hallway stepped aside quickly as John ran past them. The urgency of getting to the infirmary driving him on, knowing that a friend was in trouble.

The first person he saw as he entered the infirmary was Carson ,talking to the Daedalus' surgeon and resident Doctor. They were discussing McKay ,for John heard the name mentioned.

"Carson, What's going on? " Sheppard shouted, clearly upset and angry that he hadn't been told about McKay.

The Doctor immediately saw the distress on Sheppard's face and quickly walked over to him.

"Colonel, there you are! I've been calling your quarters every half hour. "

Carson, tried to appear calm, but inside he was anything but. Rodney wasn't doing well and he was afraid of losing him, just like he'd lost the other soldier on the planet. He would never be able to forgive himself if that came to pass.

"What happened to Rodney? How is he?" Sheppard wanted answers.

Carson sighed, Sheppard was understandably upset. After all ,he was the one who had shot McKay and Ronon. The doctor remembered the devastated look on John's face when Ronon told him. At first John had stayed by Rodney's side, as Carson worked on McKay's wound. He told Rodney that he was sorry, but Rodney was fading in and out of consciousness at the time and Carson doubted he heard anything that was said.

Later, when Rodney was stabilized, John seemed to close down all his emotions and went back to making light of the whole incident. He had taken charge , contacted Atlantis asking for medical supplies and also assistance from the Daedalus. Once more he was the soldier and the leader, burying his emotions as well as any real concern for Rodney under that mask he wore during times of great stress.

Carson figured it was John's way of coping and preventing an emotional melt down. Far stronger men had broken over lesser things than shooting a friend.

"I'm afraid it's a little complicated and it's all related to his wound."

Carson then proceeded to tell Sheppard all the details, including Ronon's part in finding McKay bleeding and unconscious in his quarters. He left out nothing preferring to let John know and prepare him if something happened and they lost Rodney.

Carson also admitted his part in allowing this to happen. If he had made Rodney stay in the infirmary it wouldn't have happened.

Sheppard just stood there and listened, realizing that he should have been aware that something was wrong when McKay didn't show up for meals.

_All that time wasted _,

Time spent reliving the past and feeling sorry for himself and Holland, the friend that died long ago. All of it had been wasted on someone who was gone . He should have been more concerned about the present and Rodney, who needed John's help now.

Once again the guilt of shooting Rodney came back full force and with it, more guilt about not checking to see if his friend was all right afterwards.

He truly was a poor excuse for a team leader and a failure once again as a friend.

_Now I've even failed Rodney. I should have been watching out for him._

There was an ache deep inside him now, one that he'd thought long buried.

It always returned to haunt him, just as he was about to lose someone he cared about._...first Holland, then two more of his buddies and now... Rodney._

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In his fevered mind, Rodney was still reliving his worst nightmares. This time he was in the facility on Doranda, trying to shut down the Arcturus weapon, Sheppard was angrily shouting at him, then suddenly he was aiming a gun at Rodney and they were back on the wraith planet.

The bullet's impact spun him around.

Once again Rodney lay bleeding on the ground, unable to get up and shut down the generator, just like he'd been unable to shut down the Arcturus weapon.

He'd failed again!

Sheppard just stood there...looking down at him, his face unreadable.

Rodney faded into oblivion...the pain of knowing that Sheppard had tried to kill him, hurt too much and finally it overwhelmed his senses.

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TBC


	3. Chapter 3

**The Last Piece**

AN: Thanks to all who have reviewed this.

I'm trying to get inside Sheppard's head a little more to figure out why he was so unconcerned about shooting Rodney. If nothing else, Rodney was a member of John's team and deserving of some sympathy from the person who shot him.

Anyhow, this story is what I thought might answer that.

I'd really like to see them snarking at each other again on the show,

just like in the first season.

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**Chapter 3 - Self inflicted wounds**

John listened to all that Carson had to say and found that now he really needed to see Rodney. He was determined that he wasn't going to lose another piece of himself. The wraith planet and fate were plotting against him and he had no intention of letting them win. Not this time.

He made his way down the line of beds in the large infirmary and passed by Kagan's bed, but the young Lt was asleep so he proceeded on, making a note that he should stop back and talk to him as well.

The very last bed had a screen separating it from the rest and behind that screen to John's surprise ,he found Ronon. The big guy was slouched in the chair with his long legs stretching out before him. A knowing smile crossed Ronon's face when he saw Sheppard.

"About time you got here. My rear's asleep. "

It was a friendly remark ,so Sheppard didn't take it as criticism."Yeah, I just found out."

Sheppard looked over at Rodney, who was lying so still on the bed, that it was hard to tell if he was breathing. Even though McKay's head was turned away from him, John could see how pale his face was.

This was the first time John had seen him since they had boarded the Daedalus almost two days ago.

Suddenly, he was very angry with himself.

_Good going, John! Some friend you are! You just walked away and left McKay alone to deal with all that's happened. You know how hurt he must have felt._

_I'm such a shit!_

He walked over and sat down on the edge of the bed next to the unconscious man; trying to will McKay awake, so that he could tell him how really sorry he was and why he had shot him.

Ronon watched Sheppard carefully, he thought he knew what the man was thinking. "You need to talk to McKay when he wakes up. Explain what happened ,so that he understands what you were going through. "

John turned toward Ronon, a surprised look on his face.

Ronon leaned forward in the chair. "You and I know what we saw, so that explains what happened between us, but McKay wasn't involved with that. He's a scientist and as such wouldn't know about hunting an adversary. He just knows that someone he trusted tried to kill him."

John's eyebrows shot up, he couldn't believe he was hearing this from Ronon of all people.

Shaking his head, John smiled tiredly, "When did you become so darn smart?"

Ronon smirked, "Been hanging around with McKay, guess some of it rubbed off."

John chuckled, "Yeah, he kind of does that to people."

Suddenly, he realized how badly he missed Rodney's banter and snarky remarks. It hurt so much to see Rodney lying here and know that it was all because of him.

"I shot my friend, and all I said was ' I'm sorry, get over it and go to sleep'. How crappy is that?" John said softly.

Ronon agreed, "Pretty bad, but stop feeling sorry for yourself and worry about making it right with Mckay. You owe it to him." He started to get up. " I'm going for something to eat, you want me to bring you something?"

John knew Ronon was right, he was wallowing in self pity. Time to focus on the real problem and help his friend. "Nah, I'm good. I'll get something later."He watched Ronon leave then stared down at his feet on the floor. He hated bedside vigils, he'd done to many of them in his life, all of them painful, but this one hurt the most knowing that he'd been the cause of it.

Sighing ,he tried to push away all the pain that was inside him, including that ache that didn't want to leave.

"Come on, McKay, wake up! " He said out loud.

Rodney just lay there, unmoving.

John sighed, then reached for McKay's hand.

He sucked at all this comfort stuff, but it was the least he could do.

Maybe Rodney would know that someone was here with him,

and that he wasn't alone...

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	4. Chapter 4

**The Last Piece**

AN: Again, many Thanks to all who reviewed. I hope I've kept everyone in character.

Remember that hanky I warned you about ...

**Chapter 4- Letting go of the past**, **and making it right**

It was an hour later when Carson came to check on Rodney. The Doctor smiled when he saw John sitting there, holding Rodney's hand. It was something that Carson also did with his patients. A little human contact went a long ways when someone was ill, especially for those who really needed it. He considered Rodney one of the latter.

"I'm glad to see you're still here, Colonel. "

John let go of McKay's hand and went over to the chair allowing Carson access to his patient.

Carson put his hand on Rodney's forehead, just to check for fever, knowing sensors could be wrong. "He may be waking up in an hour or so; not out of the woods yet, but he's getting there."

John took a deep breath, "That's good to hear, Carson. I'd hate to have to break in another scientist for the team. "

Carson shook his head, "You don't mean that, son. You'd be lost without Rodney... The two of you are like Mutt and Jeff. I don't know what I'd do without you both; it'd be so quiet and dull in my infirmary."

He smiled wistfully, "Can't imagine it,... all that peace and quiet...

I'd go bloody mad!"

John smiled, then realized how truly exhausted he was. " I think I need something to eat. I'll only be a few minutes, so please call me if he wakes up while I'm gone."

"Aye, that I will."

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John found Ronon and Teyla in the mess and sat with them at one of the tables.

"Doc thinks McKay should pull through. We need to let Dr Weir know."

Teyla smiled at the good news, "That's good to hear. I'll contact Elizabeth and tell her if you wish."

"That'd be great. Beckett seems to think McKay's going to wake up soon, so I want to be there when he does."

"We understand, Ronon and I will join you later, after we contact Dr. Weir."

John nodded as he got up, "Gotta go. I'll see you guys later."

Sheppard picked up a sandwich and a cup of coffee then headed back to the infirmary.

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Carson was sitting in the chair next to Rodney's infirmary bed. His patient was beginning to register more brain activity on the monitor, which meant he should soon be conscious.

Of all of the team members that had been on the Wraith planet, Rodney seemed to be the one that had been affected the most. Carson always suspected that inside the arrogant scientist, was a very sensitive and insecure man. Not that the rest of them hadn't suffered as well, but Rodney was just more traumatized then the rest of them. The scientist hiding in his room and not taking proper care of himself was a clear symptom of that trauma.

After all, he'd been shot by someone who was suppose to be his friend.

"Aye, and there the problem lies," he said out loud as he looked at McKay's still form.

_I really don't envy Colonel Sheppard, he's going to have the devil of a time convincing Rodney that he hadn't meant to shoot him. _

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Rodney was floating in a world of his own nightmares, one minute shouting at Sheppard to not shoot him, then hearing the gunshot echoing in his ears. His mind shouted... NO!

His eyes flew open suddenly; everything around him seemed fuzzy at first, but then his vision started to clear and realization hit him.

_I'm in the infirmary_, he took a deep breath in relief.

"Rodney!", a familiar voice said to him from somewhere to his right.

Sheppard's face suddenly appeared above him, concern as well as relief , written all over it.

"Hey, Buddy, you gave us quite a scare. How are you feeling? Can I get you anything."

Rodney looked up at him, confused. "Why am I in here?"

John smiled, glad to see Rodney awake. The emotional roller coaster he had been on for the past few hours ,made his legs feel suddenly weak. He quickly sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Carson says you were bleeding and developed an infection ,which caused you to have a fever. "And," he lightly punched Rodney's arm, " You forgot to eat, so your glucose was dangerously low."

Rodney's eyes opened wider. "I did?"

"Yes, you did. I can't let you out of my sight for a minute! Every time I do, you go into self destruct mode."

"I do?" Rodney looked surprised, taken back by the concern evident in Sheppard's voice.

John looked at him closely, "Are you brain damaged? You sound like a parrot!"

Before Rodney could reply, John raised his hand, "Don't say it... Carson needs to look at you. "

Just as he said it the doctor seemed to magically appear from around the corner of the screen.

"Rodney, you're awake then! Glad to see you're back with us. How do you feel?

Rodney looked at Carson, the corners of his mouth turned down, "Awful and from what Sheppard says... very stupid."

"Aye,... but are you in any pain?"

"Just a headache... I'm a little thirsty."

Carson smiled, "I'll get you some water."

Sheppard continued to stare at him, and Rodney felt a little awkward. Inside though he was secretly pleased that Sheppard was here watching out for him. It meant a lot to him after all that had happened between them.

"Want me to adjust the bed so you can sit up?" John asked him.

Rodney nodded, and Sheppard made the adjustment, even fluffing the pillow behind his friend's head.

Just as he finished, Carson returned with the glass of water and Ronon and Teyla were with him.

"Rodney," Telya called out, pleased to see him awake. No longer on crutches she was able to slowly walk to his bedside. " Elizabeth asked me to give you something," she leaned toward him and to Rodney's surprise kissed him on the forehead.

Ronon and John looked at each other surprised by that news.

Ronon shook his head, "I'm not doing that!"

John looked shocked, "Well, neither am I !"

Teyla looked at her two team mates then turned back to Rodney. She placed her hands gently on either side of his face , then touched her forehead to his. After a moment, she let go and stepped back. "That's from all of us Rodney. We are so happy you're better. Dr Weir said she'd give you a big hug when you get back to Atlantis."

Rodney seemed to perk up with all this attention, "She really said that?"

"Yes, she did." Teyla replied sweetly.

John seemed to reconsider, "Well, maybe a hug would be ,ok."

Rodney stared at him ,horrified, as if sheppard had suddenly grown two heads.

"Then again,'" John shrugged, "Maybe not.

Ronon and Teyla laughed along with Carson.

Even Rodney smiled, happy now that everything seemed almost normal.

John looked down at his feet then around the room at the others. "Would you guys mind leaving for a little while. I need to talk to Rodney about something."

Teyla spoke first, somehow knowing what John meant,"Of course not, we'll bring back a surprise from the mess, for Rodney, if that's ok with Dr. Beckett?"

"Of course, Love. He can eat whatever he wants."

The three left and then Rodney was alone with Sheppard ,who once again sat on the edge of the bed.

"You up for a little talk?" John asked him quietly.

Rodney blushed slightly, suddenly shy, knowing somehow that this was about what had happened on the planet. He nodded and looked at Sheppard.

Rodney's face suddenly took on a hurt puppy look. John found himself having to resist the urge to hug him after all. If anyone ever needed a hug from a friend it was Rodney right now.

He pushed the urge aside, Mckay might now take it the right way. Instead he forged ahead with what he had planned to tell Rodney.

"A very long time ago in Afghanistan, I had three really good buddies. Comrades in arms you might say, but we were also best friends. We were thrown together by fate and had come to trust and really depend on each other. We were like a small family unit." John paused for a moment as Rodney leaned back into his pillow.

"You ok?" He asked, not wanting to tire McKay.

Rodney nodded, the hurt look now gone, replaced by a curious once.

"Anyhow, We did everything as a team unit. Got drunk, acted macho, snarked at each other. You get the drift."

John could feel the hurt begin to resurface , as he talked about memories that he had tried to bury.

"Well, the first friend died on a mission to save a downed pilot. He was my closest friend and there was nothing I could do. He died in the desert. Before I could get over having him gone, my other two friends were killed as well. It was the worst time of my life. All my friends were gone... It hurt more than I can tell you. Losing all of them tore me up inside, but losing my best friend left a hole in my heart."

Rodney empathized with him, knowing how it felt to lose friends. Gaul, Grodin , and others. Somehow though, it really hurt him to see Sheppard like this.

John took a breath and continued now looking down at his feet," So, I decided from that day on, I'd never let anyone get that close again. I used sarcasm as a deterrent and it really worked, it pushed everybody away. As you know I came to Antarctic and was added to the Atlantis expedition. While we prepared for the trip to the Pegasus Galaxy there was this arrogant guy who kept bothering me, insisting that I try ancient devices out to see what they did. He was really annoying me."

Rodney smiled, knowing who he meant, but continued to listen, saying nothing.

"Anyhow, I figured I'd snark at him and cut him off at the knees. But, much to my surprise, he gave it back! He could out do me at every turn, no matter what I said. He gave it back in spades! "

He looked at Rodney and smiled. "This guy was really getting on my nerves, but before I knew it we were all off to Atlantis and into a whole lot of trouble that no one could have imagined. We were forced to leave people behind on a wraith ship, and I wanted to retrieve them. However, Dr Weir didn't want to work the problem choosing instead to let them go.

Well, this same guy, instead of not doing anything; must have seen how I felt, so he found a solution. He saved all those people on the Wraith ship, by telling me about the puddle jumpers. After that he kept amazing me, finding solutions when everything seemed hopeless and even braved death when he walked into a black energy being; saving me as well as everyone else in Atlantis."

John looked at Rodney, "You still ok?"

Rodney nodded, it seemed it was his main way of communicating. He was so choked up he doubted he could say anything.

"So, little by little this guy kept talking to me, he was there every time I turned around and little by little he started to grow on me. I enjoyed snarking with him, we went on missions together, I put him on my team.

Before I knew it he had wormed his way into my heart, filling that hole my best friend had left empty, and making me care about people again. Teyla, Ronon, Carson, Elizabeth, he brought them all with him. Suddenly, I had a family again."

John stopped for a moment then turned to Rodney, the look on his face said it all,

"And I found the best friend a man could ask for."

Rodney's eyes suddenly filled up and he had to look down; overcome with emotion.

"We went through tough and dangerous times together, but one day something happened that almost tore me apart.

I 'd shot my best friend and didn't even know it. Finding that out hurt so much, I just couldn't seem to handle it right.

Fate seemed to be trying to take away my best friend, just like the others I'd lost.

"So, what I'm trying to say is, that I really am sorry, Rodney. You'll never know how much it hurt me to know that I'd almost killed you. Losing you that way would have taken a big piece of me. "

This time Rodney's eyes started to water. He just couldn't hold it back. John's eyes looked the same ,and he too had to look away.

Emotional situations were very hard for both of them, since neither of them ever admitted how they felt. A Friendship like theirs was very rare and had made them as close as brothers.

After a few minutes, John finally faced Rodney again, " So, What say I tell you about what I went through on the planet and how I ended up, ...

shooting my best friend. "

There was a vulnerable look in John's eyes that Rodney had never seen before; it seemed to be asking for... forgiveness.

Rodney smiled and then nodded. This was a first for him, not being able to say anything for such a long period of time.

But the hurt was gone now, ...inside he felt so much better.

Knowing that Sheppard considered him his best friend did that to him...

The nightmare was over.

The End :)


End file.
